Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
This round could be my last round. It will all depend on what the scans show this time. After two rounds the spot in the liver shrank a lot from the original scans. If it looks like the chemo is still working I could do up to 2 more rounds. If everything looks stable we may take a break after this one. Since I am tolerating the chemo pretty well, Dr Koeneke would be okay with doing more rounds after this if it looks like it is still doing its job. I haven't been sick at all this time around, it just wears me out and sucks sitting in a bed for 4 days straight with only being able to get up to use the restroom. I take plenty of things to do but I never have the desire to do anything. Last time we took the clock down because it was directly in front of my bed and I couldn't stand watching the time go by so slowly. Last round my hemoglobin levels dropped pretty low so they did a blood transfusion. I was a little worried about this but it went fine other than being done in the middle of the night. I just want to sleep when I'm there but the nurses won't leave me alone no matter what time it is.
The last two weeks were the best. Between getting to marry my best friend and spending a week in Mexico. I got to forget about everything and just have fun. I think that is why this round of chemo is extremely difficult on me. I went from an extreme high to an extreme low. I am so sick of this thing running my life. I feel like everything revolves around it and I can't just live a normal life. I didn't get to race as much as I would have liked this summer and now I can't go coach my girls at their first meet.
On a brighter note, our wedding was amazing. Everything came together nicely and I had the time of my life. It was so nice to have our families and friends all come together and help us celebrate our special day. The dance floor was rockin' all night long and so was the photo booth! We got a good laugh from the photo album that was put together from the photo booth. I will try to post some pictures from the night real soon.
Monday, November 4, 2013
That is a question I constantly ask myself. Why do I have cancer? Why was I chosen to walk this rough path? Why do I have to fight so hard to live? Why do innocent people get this disease?
I know I won't ever get any answers but I just don't know why it happened to me or why it happens to anyone. This disease is constantly on my mind. I wish more than anything that I could just forget about it and not have to worry anymore. I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to wonder if the chemo is working or not. I don't want to wonder if what we are doing is enough or the right thing? Should I be doing something else to fight this?
I am so ready for our wedding day. But of course me being sick is always in the back of my mind. What if the next round of chemo really kicks my butt and I'm too sick to make it to our wedding. Or if I do make it, what if I can't enjoy the day to the fullest because I don't feel good. What if I feel bad and can't enjoy our honeymoon?
I am just so frustrated with everything right now. This is my last free week before my next round of chemo and I was just wanting to feel good and today hasn't been a great start to the week. I just hope the next few days get better so I can enjoy them.
On a side note. I got an MRI two weeks ago and everything in the brain looked good. So that was a relief.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
|This pile is a lot smaller than my first pile!|
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
|Abby, Angel and Sherman (my pets) sent my flowers at work. |
Mom had sent me flowers last week also but I didn't get a picture of them.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Here are some pictures from the last month or so. Everything is going great. I have been feeling good and my hair is coming in nicely. I will return to Houston the beginning of October for a check up.
|The S-11 broke a rocker in Nobel.|
|We had to push two of the three race cars into the trailer at the end of the weekend.|
My sister in law gave birth to these two perfect babies. They were born on Sept. 6th and are doing great. Mom and babies got to go home on Sunday.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Tuesday morning Pam, Tera and I left for Hartford, CT. This would be the first time in a long time that I have flown somewhere that didn't involve doctor's appointments or getting stuck with a needle, so I was going to enjoy the trip.
|The lady at Starbucks almost got my name right!|
Our flight out of KC was delayed an hour so when we got to Chicago we just went straight to the next plane and boarded. No time wasted in that airport. We got into Hartford around 4:30 with no problems, checked into the hotel and went exploring for a little bit.
While we were eating dinner coach Chow (he was Shawn Johnsons and Gabby Douglas' coach) came into the same restaurant to have dinner. As we were leaving Pam stopped so I could get a picture with him. I got to thank him for the letter and t-shirt he had sent me earlier this year wishing me good luck with my journey. He has got to be the nicest and happiest person I have ever met.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
A couple of weeks ago I went and saw Dr. Bell, the radiologist here in Manhattan to discuss what we should do as far as full brain radiation. My oncologist down in Houston thought I should see about getting full brain since I was done with chemo but the radiologist that did the Gamma Knife felt we should just use full brain when we need it since we can only use it one time. So we were just confused on what the best plan would be. Should I do full brain now just as precautionary and then we wouldn't have that option if something showed up later down the road. Or should I go ahead a wait, get MRI's every 2-3 months and use it if something shows up sometime. Right now I am going to wait. I have an MRI scheduled for August 18th. I am hoping there is nothing there and we won't have to worry about radiation right now.
I have been feeling great since I have been free of chemo. Everyday gets better and my energy level goes up each day. I will repeat scans, do blood work and see my oncologist in October. So I am somewhat free from appointments for a couple of months.
This coming up week is the last week of summer practice for the girls. They have been working hard (most of the time) and will get a week off before we start our school year schedule. I will miss morning practices because we can get a lot done when its just team in the gym but I won't miss having to get up early! Next week I will be going to Hartford, CT for National Congress and gymnastics championships. Congress is 3 days full of classes about coaching gymnastics and running a gymnastics business. I am really looking forward to going since I wasn't able to go last year.
This last weekend we got to throw a baby shower for Lauren and the twin boys who have been trying to join us recently. She is now 31 weeks and doing everything she can to keep the boys in for a little bit longer. After the shower my sister, mom and Sarah got to go wedding shopping. I was reminded the other day that I have under 4 months left before our wedding day so its time to start putting things together and marking stuff off the to-do list. I am so lucky to have a great group of ladies helping out with the planning and decorating.
|I got to wheel the wagon at the door car only race in Benton IL|
Hope everyone is having a great summer.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
|The guys grilling|
|Sarah made the trip up|
|This was the first picture we tried to take with Blake after getting fireworks|
Monday, July 1, 2013
The CT scan I did yesterday showed no new spots and the spots that were there last time hadn't gotten any bigger. The one in the liver is the same size and she wasn't real certain what the two small lesions in the lungs were. She wasn't concerned about those. Right now the plan is to stop chemo and let my body get back to some sort of a normal stage. She felt we had maximized the use of chemo since the spots hadn't gotten any smaller. We will just watch them real closely for any change.
I will be seeing a radiation oncologist about dong full brain radiation. This was the original plan after Gamma Knife but we had to put that on hold since the new spots showed up and I needed to do chemo.
I am real happy with the results today. I know I still have the spot in my liver but it hasn't grown any and there are no new spots any where else, so that's all good news. And I am pretty excited about not having to do chemo for a while ( I hope a long while).
Right now Kyle and I are waiting to board our plane and head back to Kansas. We will be having family and friends over on the fourth so I am looking forward to that.
Thank you for all of the prayers, they worked!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
It was really hard to look forward to the 6th and final (hopefully) round of chemo when I had a pretty good idea of how I was going to feel. And sure enough I was right. It hit me Thursday night after I got home and I am still feeling like crap. I had planned on going to work Monday morning until I spent the morning on the bathroom floor. I hadn't ever gotten sick before, so I am not sure what that was all about. So lets just say I spent another day in bed.
I am starting to worry about my upcoming appointments in Houston. I am worried they are going to want to do more rounds of chemo and I honestly don't think I can do anymore. I know I can't give up now but I am to my breaking point and having to do anymore chemo will just push me right over the edge.
Kyle and I will fly out to Houston on Saturday. I have scans on Sunday and will see the doctor on Monday. I will update after we get the results.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
I am not sure if he reads my blog or not but I just hope he realizes how thankful I am to have received this letter.
It's the little things like this that really help me get through the rough days.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Friday they removed my port because there was a clot on the bottom part that showed up on the CT scan from Houston. So the next two rounds of chemo will be administered through a vein. I was really nervous to have my port removed because the procedure was done in his office. He numbed me and then cut open the incision from before. I didn't feel a thing other then some tugging and pulling. I'm not gonna lie, I was kind of sad to see it go. I got attached to it in the last year.
Speaking of last year. I can't believe it has almost been a year since I was diagnosed. It's crazy to think how fast time goes. It has been a really rough year but I have so much to be thankful for.
Right now I am feeling alright. I have my ups and downs but I am hanging in there and trying to stay busy. I am just mentally warn out at this point. I am ready to get these last two rounds over with and not have to worry about how I can going to feel afterward. I am ready to not have my life revolve around this. I want to worry about racing and coaching my girls at the gym. Not which appointment I need to go to, which arm I want my blood drawn from or what scan I need to get done. I got shit (excuse my language, but its true) I need and want to do, so I wish this crap would just hurry and go away and go away forever.
Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
All of the lesions they saw in March have either disappeared or decreased in size! Dr. Siefker showed us the scans of the lungs and she could only point out one lesion, which has gone from 5mm to 3mm and two other lesions that were on previous scans were not present on these scans. The lesion on the liver is now measuring 9mm, which before it was 1.2cm. The spot on the brain they did gamma knife to has decreased 9.7mm to 3.6mm.
We will continue with the same chemo for 3 more rounds and then I will come back down here to repeat the scans.
Thank you for all of the prayers, they have really done wonders. Kyle and I are flying home tonight and I will be able to attend the Topeka nationals this weekend.
Monday, May 13, 2013
|Love these guys!|
Friday, May 3, 2013
This week I was in the angry stage. Very angry I had to go put my body through this crap. I am sick of this running my life, it's always there haunting me.
This time around I am not feeling as bad as last time and I am hoping that is a good sign. I am praying I can enjoy the weekend and not worry about how I feel.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
|Ready to come out|
|Dad enjoyed getting to use the motor changer for the first time in the new trailer!|
|Ready to go again.|
|Our workspace for the weekend. I think we need just one more log book.|
Friday, April 26, 2013
I am finally feeling better, not 100% but I can't complain. A couple of good nights sleep really does a person good.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I met with Dr. Koeneke before the last round to go over my blood work and to get the results from my bone scan. The good news is nothing showed up on the bone scan, so that was a huge relief. My blood counts were low so he wants to do weekly blood work to see how low they actually get and to see if I need to get a booster shot to raise my white blood cell count.
After my blood work on Monday I had to go back to get the booster shot because my counts were 300. They usually want them to be around 1000, so they were extremely low this time around. I will be getting the shot three days in a row to hopefully raise my numbers. I am hoping this is why I have had no energy and why I haven't felt the best this time around. I am actually not suppose to be around too many people with my counts being that low because my body can't fight off infection as good as it could with higher counts. So that makes it real hard to be at work since I am around germ infested children most of the time!! I might as well just start drinking the Germ-X!
We will be heading back to Houston on May 12th. I will get an MRI that day and then see the neurosurgeon and radiologist for my check up after surgery and the Gamma Knife the following day. I will also do another bone scan and CT scan while I am down there and then meet with the oncologist. If everything is clear we will continue with the same chemo I am receiving now.
Hope all my KS friends have enjoyed the weather!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
This race was different than our normal races. Dad and JR raced in the top dragster class where you have to dial faster than 4.40 (in the 1/8 mile) and they qualify either 16 or 32 cars depending on car count. Kyle ended up getting in my car and racing because they needed one more entry to make it a 32 car ladder, which made it an all run field instead of cutting it down to 16 and having people (including JR) not qualify. I know it sounds confusing and believe it was even if you were there. Kyle's first run out was interesting. We took the weight out of the nose and turned the nitrous up to try and get it to run at least a 4.40. Needless to say it was moving!
|JR has learned to control his wheelies with a wheelie bar.|
|Side view of Kyle's wheelie. Not too bad!|
Friday, April 5, 2013
I actually got sleep last night. That was one thing I was worried about since I had a hard time during the last round of treatments. Today has been so-so. I will feel alright for a while and then feel a little suspect. I just feel like laying in bed and getting sleep but I know I would feel better if I did something productive instead of laying around.
Just wanted to let you all know I survived the first round. Just 5 more to go!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
|Jen, Lauren and I with the bunny!|
|The kids with the bunny!|
Sunday morning I actually got a little time to clean the house. It was such a disaster considering we hadn't been there in the last two weeks. Now getting caught up on laundry is a different story (at least my suitcase is unpacked now!) Sunday afternooon Kyle and I headed over to his parents house for an Easter brunch shrimp broil!
I want to say thanks to Kylie and Wylee for going out to dinner with us Sunday night and for the delicious goodies! It was nice to finally be able to get together since all of us are usually so busy.
On Monday Kyle and I met with Dr. Koeneke to go over the plan. I really like him as a doctor. He takes the time to listen and answer all of our questions (which I had a lot this time). I asked about removing the spots they saw, but he said that since they have already metastasised from another location they usually won't remove them. Removing them could cause more problems, which we don't need right now. I also asked about radiation to the spot in the liver. He said that could be an option but chemo would be the first choice. He made us feel good and confident about the decisions that have been made for this treatment.
I had a repeat bone scan done today just to make sure nothing has started to show up there. We should have those results sometime next week. Just praying they are clear!
It has been nice to be back to some sort of a normal life this week. I haven't had to run around to multiple appointments seeing multiple different doctors. I have been able to sleep in my own bed and spend time in my own home with my pups! I have been back at work all week and that helps keep my mind from wondering too much.
Tomorrow starts another round of treatments and I am honestly not looking forward to it. It will be a 6 hour day but at least I only have to do it one day instead of three days in a row. I don't like not knowing how I am going to feel or how this treatment will go but I am going to suck it up and just get through it.
I will try and update as soon as I get done with this first round.