Monday, November 4, 2013



That is a question I constantly ask myself. Why do I have cancer? Why was I chosen to walk this rough path? Why do I have to fight so hard to live? Why do innocent people get this disease?

I know I won't ever get any answers but I just don't know why it happened to me or why it happens to anyone. This disease is constantly on my mind. I wish more than anything that I could just forget about it and not have to worry anymore. I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to wonder if the chemo is working or not. I don't want to wonder if what we are doing is enough or the right thing? Should I be doing something else to fight this?

I am so ready for our wedding day. But of course me being sick is always in the back of my mind. What if the next round of chemo really kicks my butt and I'm too sick to make it to our wedding. Or if I do make it, what if I can't enjoy the day to the fullest because I don't feel good. What if I feel bad and can't enjoy our honeymoon?

I am just so frustrated with everything right now. This is my last free week before my next round of chemo and I was just wanting to feel good and today hasn't been a great start to the week. I just hope the next few days get better so I can enjoy them.

On a side note. I got an MRI two weeks ago and everything in the brain looked good. So that was a relief.