Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Starting over

I didn't get as lucky as I did last chemo treatment. My hair started really coming out this weekend. I didn't wash it hoping I wouldn't lose any more than I already had but I woke up this morning and it was pretty patching. So before I went in to get an MRI, Kyle shaved my hair off. It was depressing because I had finally had a decent amount of hair and I was actually starting to like it. Now I got to start over and what really bothers me is not having hair to do for our wedding in a month. But on a positive note, maybe this means the chemo is actually working this time and I will get to sleep in longer since I won't have to worry about doing my hair.

This pile is a lot smaller than my first pile!

This Thursday will start round 2. I will get to do treatment here in Manhattan so that will be nice to stay close to home and not have to travel.


Sunday, October 6, 2013


I'm gonna try this blog again. I have started two times but couldn't finish. Now that I have my feelings some what under control I can share with everyone what is going on.

Kyle and I flew down to Houston last Tuesday night. This was suppose to be a routine 3 month check up with the oncologist. I had my CT scan Wednesday. Which took forever to actually get it done and it didn't help that the lights went off while we were waiting (me being me, I was scared that was a sign). Thursday was the day I saw the doctor. Of course she was late but now I wish she wouldn't have even showed up......

The results we got were not what we were looking for. Th CT scan showed that the spot in the liver had grown from 1.2 cm to 2.8 cm and there were spots in the lungs that were bigger from the scans done at the end of June......

I was speechless. I wanted to go back to bed, wake up and start the day over again, only with better news. How could there be anything left in my body after the horrible rounds of chemo I just finished. I just didn't understand. I still don't understand this. 

Once again the doctor reminded me that I am a very rare case (I have mixed feelings about this). She gave us two chemo options to do. We chose the one she felt was the most aggressive but she wanted to admit me into the hospital down there to get this chemo. 

We got out of her office around 9. Went to admissions to get admitted and they told us we had to wait until someone was discharged. So we waited and waited. Drove around Houston, went back to the hotel, watched tv, ate, and oh yeah, waited some more. I was ready to just get on a plane and fly home. I was finally admitted at 10:30 that night, over 12 hours later.

Surely they wouldn't start anything that late.... I was wrong. They put a picc line in my arm since my port had to be removed. Which only took about an hour. Premeds were started around 3 and then chemo was started around 3:30am. The first chemo which is call IFex would be administered for 4 days at 3 hours a day. The second chemo is called Doxorubicin and would be give 3 days in a row going for 12 hours each day.

Let's just say that was a long four days in a hospital bed. I was able to get up and walk around but most of the time I just wanted to stay in bed. My energy level was low and there were times I didn't feel great. 

I finally got discharged on Monday around 5pm. Kyle had to go to two classes on how to take care of my picc line. Then he had to clean it, change the bandage and flush it while a nurse watched him. They wouldn't discharge me until he passed the test! We were suppose to fly out at 6:30 but didn't make that flight. We got on the 7:00 one with a stop in Dallas. We got to KC an hour and half late because the plane from Dallas to KC had something wrong with the navigation. The best text I got about that was from my BFF Sarah, "well I guess you don't want to end up in Indiana!" At this point I didn't care where I ended up as long as it wasn't in Houston or a hospital. 

When we got to KC I was feeling fine. Tired but I could handle that. I was excited because that would mean I would feel even better on Tuesday and would be able to go on with the week. That was wronge. Tuesday was a struggle. I had no energy, felt sick, my head was cloudy and I was really upset at this situation. I tried to go to practice but only made it two hours before needing to come home. I am so glad I have people in my life that will listen and let me cry when I need to.  One of my parents finally saw me lose it as I was leaving the gym. All she did was ask how I was feeling. That was all I needed to hear at that time and I lost it. I don't like to show my emotions around the girls. I don't want to worry them. If they see me upset or worried then they would get that way and they don't deserve to have that on their minds. 

I'm at a point in this fight that I really wonder if what we are doing is the right thing. Is going through chemo really going to get rid of everything? Is there something we are missing or not doing that we should be doing? Should I go get another opinion? Why isn't the chemo working? Do I want to go through this all over again? Why does it keep coming back? Am I going to lose my hair again after I worked so hard to get it back? How am I suppose to plan a wedding when I am in a hospital bed for four straight days and have no energy to get out? All of these questions plus a thousand more are all what was through my mind since getting the news. And Tuesday night I had had enought and broke down. I lost it but luckily I have some very special people in my life that allow me to break down and they help pick up all the pieces. They put everything back into prespective and got me back on track.

Wednesday was 100 times better. The morning was a little rough but as I got the day started everything got better. We got to see Dr. Koeneke this afternoon and he answered all of our questions. He really makes me feel at ease with everything. He takes the time to listen and answer questions we may have. We asked him about going up to Ohio to get a second opinion from the University and he was all for that (thank you Samantha and Jeg!). He also told us that more than likely they could administer the chemo up here. Which means we won't have to travel down to Houston every 3 weeks like the doctor down there was wanting us to do. He is also setting up an appointment to get a port put back in, which means I can get this dang picc line out (it's pretty annoying and a lot of work). 

Every hour in the day got better. My energy was up and I didn't feel sick at all. I made it through the whole practice with the girls and they even got to try on their new leotards for this season!

Thank you to everyone that has called, text, or sent me a message. Your thoughts and prayers really mean a lot. I love you all!

Thank you to Joey Keith who made a trip down to Houston to sit with us during the first day of treatment.