Monday, November 4, 2013



That is a question I constantly ask myself. Why do I have cancer? Why was I chosen to walk this rough path? Why do I have to fight so hard to live? Why do innocent people get this disease?

I know I won't ever get any answers but I just don't know why it happened to me or why it happens to anyone. This disease is constantly on my mind. I wish more than anything that I could just forget about it and not have to worry anymore. I don't want to be sick anymore. I don't want to wonder if the chemo is working or not. I don't want to wonder if what we are doing is enough or the right thing? Should I be doing something else to fight this?

I am so ready for our wedding day. But of course me being sick is always in the back of my mind. What if the next round of chemo really kicks my butt and I'm too sick to make it to our wedding. Or if I do make it, what if I can't enjoy the day to the fullest because I don't feel good. What if I feel bad and can't enjoy our honeymoon?

I am just so frustrated with everything right now. This is my last free week before my next round of chemo and I was just wanting to feel good and today hasn't been a great start to the week. I just hope the next few days get better so I can enjoy them.

On a side note. I got an MRI two weeks ago and everything in the brain looked good. So that was a relief.



  1. I know it can't be easy and I can't even imagine what you are going through.Keep your head up. You are such an inspiration to so many people. You can beat this!

    Crystal Buttron

  2. For the second timne in my life I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what to say I wish I could tell you why the happens to the best of people you, my mother,my cousin. All I know is you're one tough cookie to carry this burden. Fight Fight Fight don't ever give up. Your in our prayers daily. This race is not over with yet. Stay positive I know that's hard but you have hundred's of people supporting you. God Bless you Jeryka

    Roger and Ethan Reed

  3. You're right, it's not fair. You don't deserve cancer and you don't deserve to feel the way you do. No one really knows why bad things happen to wonderful people. You have been so strong throughout your battle with cancer and the only thing I can say is that you are not the type of person to give up or question your moves- trust yourself, your doctors and your family- this support will see you through. Don't give up and don't settle for just okay. You are a strong girl so keep on fighting! Fight! I love you! I can't WAIT to see you walk down that aisle! You will be the most beautiful bride that ever was! xoxo Coach

  4. Listen to your Coach!
    Love you

  5. You will enjoy your honeymoon. I'm not sure what you've got planned, but even if it turns out that you spend it curled up with the man you love, than that will be wonderful in itself. Perhaps plan ahead for both situations, things to do if you're feeling top notch, and things to do if perhaps you're a little under the weather. At least then, no matter what, you'll have something to look forward to. Keep your chin up! Your wedding and honeymoon are going to be amazing!