Hard to digest

I am still trying to digest the news I got while we were in Houston last week. On a good note, radiation is working and the spots in the brain are getting smaller if not gone. So that was nice news to get right away. But the excitement from that wore off quickly after we saw the oncologist. My CT scans showed increase in size in the tumors that are in the liver and lungs. So that means the 4 rounds of chemo I did didn't work. We believe they are now resistant to chemo so that means we will need to find something else that will hopefully work. My oncologist down there gave me three options; 1)we could try another chemo regimen (not  an option for me since I have done 4 different ones and its not working any more) 2) get on a trial (we believe this is the best option) 3) do nothing at all and just make me comfortable (I am not to this point and I am not ready to just throw in the towel).

I don't want to do chemo again because I feel like its just breaking own my body and making it really hard for it to fight off anything.

We are currently looking for trials at NIT in Maryland. A wonderful lady named Aricca has success finding herself a trial so I am going to hopefully follow in her foot steps.

The last couple of weeks have been really hard. I have no energy, my blood pressure is extremely low so every time I stand or do any type of movement I get light headed and short of breath. So I have had to stay close to the ground so if I do pass out I don't have very far to fall. Things are getting better but I am ready to be back to some sort of normal state. I just want to not be tired and have the energy to clean my house. I have been at work but I haven't been able to be the best coach I can be because I have to sit a lot. I haven't been able to be the best gym owner either because I can't spend the time I need to to make sure everything runs smoothly. I haven't been able to make it through a weekend of racing without spending a full day in the motor home sleeping. My family does so much to get my race car to the track and I haven't even been able to race. I know I won't feel normal as long as I have this disease inside me but I just want the energy to do my everyday task. And not let anyone down because I can't do what I need to get done.

So right now we are just going day to day. I don't think I am allowing myself to believe we are running out of options. Every time I have done chemo it has worked, even if it was for just a very short time, it should it was doing its job. And now I have nothing to show for the 4 rounds of chemo I went through this time.

Hopefully we will hear back from NIT with an option. And we can get started on that ASAP so I can get back to "normal" whatever that is.

Love,
Jeryka